Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
third nipple confirmed
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize