Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
