Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
and you fell through a lawn chair
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize