Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
