I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
