I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
