Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize