You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
