dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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