every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no you cant smoke seaweed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
