don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
