I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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