Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
