uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
