Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
