Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
