haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
