I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
