You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
