There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
