I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize