idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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