New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
