Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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