So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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