She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
