I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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