If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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