I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
