really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
