i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I could make wine with my vomit
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
