i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
