this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's never too late to be topless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
