I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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