2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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