Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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