just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we're so committed to being not committed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
