i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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