The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No subtext here. People are naked.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
