If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
