Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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