Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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