you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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