I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
