I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
