it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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