I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
