She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize