Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
