i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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