I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
