marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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