a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize