That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
