do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
