i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
