Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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