I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
