it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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