eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
