glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
