I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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