I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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