but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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