i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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