1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
