mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
