Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize