I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize