You just made me feel so damn special
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
